Well. Things haven't necessarily been going well. I accepted a new job and gave the law firm my notice, only to find out that the new job wasn't really everything I had anticipated. I quit before I started, but the firm has already hired a couple of new people. As I was transitioning to the terrifying barren wasteland that comes with being unemployed and looking (I actually have more hope than that; I'm merely being melodramatic), we got evicted for the first time in our lives and given thirty days to vacate (through no fault of our own, may I add; the owners of our rental sold the property).
While we have found a new rental house, it is more expensive and it won't take our kitty, Phineas. So we have to say goodbye to our cat, who we adopted because our landlord told us we could stay in our house forever. We have to spend a decent chunk (maybe all) of our wedding savings to get moved and through this rough patch.
And. Just. Moving. Ugh.
So here's the deal: I know it'll all work out. I know it'll make me stronger. I just want to figure out what the hell I want to be when I grow up and get on a path to get that started!
I went to school for communications. That's the wrong field for a family woman. I'm considering banking, would love a human resources position, and am even thinking I may get stuck pushing paper in an office for a weekday schedule. Or...and this is my personal favorite...
GRAD SCHOOL!
Which would mean a sacrifice in family time now so that I may have a better job with better pay and more family time later. Why do decisions have to be so hard and stuff. I wish I could just work and enjoy it for what it is and take home my money and live my life. I envy people who don't feel like they need a passion or purpose in their professional lives, I truly do. But I have dreams and I want to follow them.
For now, just riding the waves and applying for jobs to see what happens. And there are a couple of prospects that sound really good. One in particular (that would actually fit with grad school too).
Pray. Hope. Think. Cross Fingers. Light a Candle. I'm not stopping until I'm satisfied.
Never quit!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Motivation and Action
My number one reason for wanting to be fit and healthy is family. This means many things. First of all, I love Fisher and Nicholas and want to spend my life loving them the best I possibly can and for as long as I possibly can. When I am healthy I am teaching my son to eat healthy and exercise and I lead him by example. I inspire Nick and he inspires me to keep going and push harder. We will get to live longer together. Educating myself and my family means our quality of life will be better. If I can help it (and to this extent I certainly can), I will take care of myself so they don't have to take care of me more than they do just out of love. I don't want them to have to wipe my butt or pay someone to do it. I don't want to lie day after day in terrible pain, give myself shots, endure costly surgeries, take a ton of prescriptions, endure the side effects of my prescriptions, be short of breath, etc, etc, infinity. I would also like to be able to keep up with my child and his friends and my grandchildren if I should have them.
Of course, I also want to look good. I have recently found that I want to be athletic. Even if it's just to help me when I get involved in theater, film, and working on my house and garden or playing ball in the yard.
And damnit, I'm doing it! And now I'll tell you how. Our family has changed our lifestyle pretty dramatically. It's made 70lbs of difference so far, we get better sleep, we have more energy, we suffer fewer illnesses and less pain, we are all learning so much, and we have the confidence that comes from knowing we are taking control of our lives and taking care of our bodies.
Here are some "foods" we stopped keeping in the house. This isn't to say I never have any or that I will never buy them again. They are simply rare treats or things I no longer indulge in at all due to their lack of nutrition and their surplus of fat, salt, chemicals, cholesterol, sugar, etc.
Hot dogs, bologna, corn dogs, chips, candy, cookies, ice cream, waffles, sausage, frozen dinners, sandwich meat, full fat cheese and other dairy products, canned soups, pickles, white bread, muffins, cinnamon rolls, most juices, soda, diet soda, eggs, individual serving packets of oatmeal and other things, donuts, sugary cereals, fruit snacks, most full-fat meats (we have a steak on occasion still), crackers, pop tarts, hot or lean pockets, pot pies, refined (white) sugar, coffee, frozen pizza, and more.
And here are some of the delicious and nutritious alternatives I have fallen in love with <3:
Beans, rice, nonfat greek yogurt, light string cheese, flax seed, egg whites, almond milk, wasa bread, peanut butter, almonds, pistachios, 100% rolled oats, fresh fruits and vegetables (there are SO MANY! Talk about variety!), frozen vegetables, water, granola bars (Kashi and Nature Valley until I start making my own soon), whole grain pasta, quinoa, grapeseed oil, natural sugar, chicken breasts and other lean meats, fish, and more.
Yes, I have even cut back seriously on my alcoholic beverage intake. I also don't add butter, sugar, or salt to much at all. I use pepper generously and I still enjoy my sauces but I'm starting to take a closer look at them and will be trying to find alternative to some of them. I'm already trying to replace my salad dressings with vinegar (Nick hates vinegar and uses orange segments to juice up a dry salad) because the dressings just have a ton of things that aren't good for me.
Up until now I have been running 30 mins a day, about 5 days a week. I play Just Dance games for the Wii (probably around 5 hours a week) and do a little yoga, strength, and medicine ball workouts (currently probably only a couple of hours a week, if that, and I'm about to amp that up). It is fun and really doesn't take that much time, and I often complete a workout while I'm watching my favorite shows when I used to just sit there and eat. I try to take the stairs when I can, I walk briskly, and I also try to keep good posture, which can be a workout in itself, along with proper breathing.
This is definitely a lifelong process that will never be perfect, but the more I learn the better health I acheive, and I can certainly live with that. My mom calls me the food nazi. I'll gladly wear that name rather than feeding my family doses of poison with every meal, which sounds to me more like a German nazi (like when they experimented to see what chemicals and other things would do to people) even if it costs a little more. It will save me money in the long run when I avoid surgery, doctor bills, prescription costs, miracle diets, and more, so rethink your "value" next time you're at the grocery store buying frozen prepackaged meals. I know the convenience is great, but I don't think convenience is worth feeding my kid things that are ultimately harming him right now and for the rest of his life.
I'm thrilled to break the cycle. I get scared sometimes that I'll fail, sure. And I will fail every now and then, of course. I went on a sugar binge just last night. But instead of saying screw it today I got up and ran hard and committed to doing better today, despite my hormones. Never quit <3
Of course, I also want to look good. I have recently found that I want to be athletic. Even if it's just to help me when I get involved in theater, film, and working on my house and garden or playing ball in the yard.
And damnit, I'm doing it! And now I'll tell you how. Our family has changed our lifestyle pretty dramatically. It's made 70lbs of difference so far, we get better sleep, we have more energy, we suffer fewer illnesses and less pain, we are all learning so much, and we have the confidence that comes from knowing we are taking control of our lives and taking care of our bodies.
Here are some "foods" we stopped keeping in the house. This isn't to say I never have any or that I will never buy them again. They are simply rare treats or things I no longer indulge in at all due to their lack of nutrition and their surplus of fat, salt, chemicals, cholesterol, sugar, etc.
Hot dogs, bologna, corn dogs, chips, candy, cookies, ice cream, waffles, sausage, frozen dinners, sandwich meat, full fat cheese and other dairy products, canned soups, pickles, white bread, muffins, cinnamon rolls, most juices, soda, diet soda, eggs, individual serving packets of oatmeal and other things, donuts, sugary cereals, fruit snacks, most full-fat meats (we have a steak on occasion still), crackers, pop tarts, hot or lean pockets, pot pies, refined (white) sugar, coffee, frozen pizza, and more.
And here are some of the delicious and nutritious alternatives I have fallen in love with <3:
Beans, rice, nonfat greek yogurt, light string cheese, flax seed, egg whites, almond milk, wasa bread, peanut butter, almonds, pistachios, 100% rolled oats, fresh fruits and vegetables (there are SO MANY! Talk about variety!), frozen vegetables, water, granola bars (Kashi and Nature Valley until I start making my own soon), whole grain pasta, quinoa, grapeseed oil, natural sugar, chicken breasts and other lean meats, fish, and more.
Yes, I have even cut back seriously on my alcoholic beverage intake. I also don't add butter, sugar, or salt to much at all. I use pepper generously and I still enjoy my sauces but I'm starting to take a closer look at them and will be trying to find alternative to some of them. I'm already trying to replace my salad dressings with vinegar (Nick hates vinegar and uses orange segments to juice up a dry salad) because the dressings just have a ton of things that aren't good for me.
Up until now I have been running 30 mins a day, about 5 days a week. I play Just Dance games for the Wii (probably around 5 hours a week) and do a little yoga, strength, and medicine ball workouts (currently probably only a couple of hours a week, if that, and I'm about to amp that up). It is fun and really doesn't take that much time, and I often complete a workout while I'm watching my favorite shows when I used to just sit there and eat. I try to take the stairs when I can, I walk briskly, and I also try to keep good posture, which can be a workout in itself, along with proper breathing.
This is definitely a lifelong process that will never be perfect, but the more I learn the better health I acheive, and I can certainly live with that. My mom calls me the food nazi. I'll gladly wear that name rather than feeding my family doses of poison with every meal, which sounds to me more like a German nazi (like when they experimented to see what chemicals and other things would do to people) even if it costs a little more. It will save me money in the long run when I avoid surgery, doctor bills, prescription costs, miracle diets, and more, so rethink your "value" next time you're at the grocery store buying frozen prepackaged meals. I know the convenience is great, but I don't think convenience is worth feeding my kid things that are ultimately harming him right now and for the rest of his life.
I'm thrilled to break the cycle. I get scared sometimes that I'll fail, sure. And I will fail every now and then, of course. I went on a sugar binge just last night. But instead of saying screw it today I got up and ran hard and committed to doing better today, despite my hormones. Never quit <3
Monday, February 18, 2013
Better Late Than Never
A great while back I promised this blog post to my fellow Fit Club members when one of the ladies asked about what kinds of foods to eat if one would like to lose weight. I often climb onto a high horse soap box in our Facebook private forum, but I don't mean any harm; I actually mean to help, and that is the exact point of this particular post that will be continued as well. I created a women-only Facebook group with the expectation that we could share our stories, successes, failures, shame, photos, recipes, exercises, and much more and it's been an inspiration to me daily, even when I don't post or nobody else does. Its mere existence makes me feel my support network even when I'm away from my computer. A co-ed version of Fit Club is coming soon and will be open to men as well since I believe many of my male friends can inspire and educate me and hopefully I can return the favor.
Much of my life I have been an overweight individual. Now, to be clear, I know I wasn't obese and I was often told I didn't look like I weighed 200lbs or that I was perfectly fine the way I was. I know it could have been worse and it would have been had I not reversed it when I did. I had never played sports as a kid and I had never been very active beyond some bike riding and playing hide and seek and a little swimming. I certainly didn't exercise outside of gym class and our family dinners consisted of things like baked steak and gravy with mashed potatoes and corn or Treet meat and macaroni and cheese.
My mother is diabetic and so was her father who basically died from complications from heart disease. They aren't the only ones who struggled as diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, and cancer runs rampant in my family and countless other American families nowadays.
A friend of mine just found out that she has diabetes and posted about the horrible lack of educational services in our area. I was mortified by her statements concerning the "class" she attended to try to learn how to better care for her body. Another friend and I had discussed this a couple years ago and it's not just West Virginia that lacks education about health and wellness when it comes to diet and exercise, but it's something that affects every state in our nation.
Furthermore, how do we explain our behaviors when we DO know the difference between what is good for us and what is bad for us, and we still habitually commit to the bad behaviors and choices? (This was my group for a long time, but I had to learn more still to really really care.)
Well, it's actually quite simple for me and can be summed in a word or two.
How about capitalism? Or addiction? Don't worry, you don't have to choose; they are directly related.
Just like the stuff added to cigarettes that makes them more addictive AND worse for you, the same types of things are added to our foods. You already know about pesticides, sure. And many people don't seem to mind that they are eating poison so that a huge conglomerate doesn't lose money by losing product to ravenous insects and animals that want to eat OUR food. But what about the lovely titanium dioxide used to color foods to make them more appealing (sure, respiratory cancer is so appealing afterall http://www.ccohs.ca/headlines/text186.html)? Caramel coloring (it's not as delicious as it sounds...so remember just because you CAN read it, doesn't mean you should eat it http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/food-nutrition/facts/caramel-coloring.htm)? Money has more value than human life, sure, why not. And while you're at it, let's thank all the marketing studies that show that consumers like a certain color food. Thanks! And to think that I was eating more natural stuff that just wasn't that pretty beautiful shade of brown, doh!
I recommend watching Forks over Knives if you give a crap. Now that I realize that many of the additives to our food and beverage are placed there to purposely make it more addictive so you will buy more, I feel duped by my old loves chips, cookies, ice cream, candy, and all of the comfort foods that just trick my brain into thinking I'm getting something good when really what's going on behind that false sensation of pleasure is bad, bad, BAD. I don't want to be tricked all of the time! Most "diet" foods are chock full of nastiness too, especially the fat free crap. They have to add something to balance out the loss of taste from fat. Yep, that taste/color/smell...cancer most likely. Bon apetit, friends! Salt is another big one too. Piled onto "healthy" foods to make them taste better as it sends your blood rushing through its vessels at mach speeds and you get frustrated that you're not losing any weight because you're retaining enough water to fill your kid's pool. That's not even the half of it. Just stay tuned and we'll learn together, shall we?
Ok. Here is my big reveal for the day before I go because I have work to do. You want to lose weight? Cool. Wanting a small waistline isn't going to help you change your life or your waistline though, not for good anyway. You know how to do the simple math: burn more calories than you consume. So why haven't you lost all the weight that's extra? You're addicted to poisoning yourself at every meal, probably. I'm not saying never have a five layer burrito or a lean cuisine again; I'm simply saying that shouldn't be the basis for your diet, but neither should starving yourself or only having one or two meals a day. You're killing your metabolism that way and your body is nutrient deprived. No fun!
This has been a journey for me and it will never end. This is a nutshell account of some of the things I would love for more people to care about. Next time, it's getting personal (to me, don't be scared)!
I have lost over 30lbs from my starting weight of around 200lbs and my fiance is nearing a 40lb loss since we started caring. It all began a couple of years ago with reading nutrition facts, which is a place I definitely recommend starting for any of you who do not do that. We pushed further than that with diet and exercise though, and now reading ingredient lists is our main priority in the grocery store. I am more active, fit, and healthy than I've ever been in my life. I have more energy, better sleep, better skin, hair and nails, better relationships, less pain, less illness, better moods, and better balance all around. Balance is a hard thing to acheive and something that I believe we will always have to strive for; I am thrilled to finally feel like I'm doing a decent job of it. It's even hard with fitness; you don't want to be too crazy or too lazy. It's important to find what's right for you and your family.
Best to enjoy a cozy spot where I'm comfortable. And run.
Next up: Motivation and Action!
Much of my life I have been an overweight individual. Now, to be clear, I know I wasn't obese and I was often told I didn't look like I weighed 200lbs or that I was perfectly fine the way I was. I know it could have been worse and it would have been had I not reversed it when I did. I had never played sports as a kid and I had never been very active beyond some bike riding and playing hide and seek and a little swimming. I certainly didn't exercise outside of gym class and our family dinners consisted of things like baked steak and gravy with mashed potatoes and corn or Treet meat and macaroni and cheese.
My mother is diabetic and so was her father who basically died from complications from heart disease. They aren't the only ones who struggled as diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, and cancer runs rampant in my family and countless other American families nowadays.
A friend of mine just found out that she has diabetes and posted about the horrible lack of educational services in our area. I was mortified by her statements concerning the "class" she attended to try to learn how to better care for her body. Another friend and I had discussed this a couple years ago and it's not just West Virginia that lacks education about health and wellness when it comes to diet and exercise, but it's something that affects every state in our nation.
Furthermore, how do we explain our behaviors when we DO know the difference between what is good for us and what is bad for us, and we still habitually commit to the bad behaviors and choices? (This was my group for a long time, but I had to learn more still to really really care.)
Well, it's actually quite simple for me and can be summed in a word or two.
How about capitalism? Or addiction? Don't worry, you don't have to choose; they are directly related.
Just like the stuff added to cigarettes that makes them more addictive AND worse for you, the same types of things are added to our foods. You already know about pesticides, sure. And many people don't seem to mind that they are eating poison so that a huge conglomerate doesn't lose money by losing product to ravenous insects and animals that want to eat OUR food. But what about the lovely titanium dioxide used to color foods to make them more appealing (sure, respiratory cancer is so appealing afterall http://www.ccohs.ca/headlines/text186.html)? Caramel coloring (it's not as delicious as it sounds...so remember just because you CAN read it, doesn't mean you should eat it http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/food-nutrition/facts/caramel-coloring.htm)? Money has more value than human life, sure, why not. And while you're at it, let's thank all the marketing studies that show that consumers like a certain color food. Thanks! And to think that I was eating more natural stuff that just wasn't that pretty beautiful shade of brown, doh!
I recommend watching Forks over Knives if you give a crap. Now that I realize that many of the additives to our food and beverage are placed there to purposely make it more addictive so you will buy more, I feel duped by my old loves chips, cookies, ice cream, candy, and all of the comfort foods that just trick my brain into thinking I'm getting something good when really what's going on behind that false sensation of pleasure is bad, bad, BAD. I don't want to be tricked all of the time! Most "diet" foods are chock full of nastiness too, especially the fat free crap. They have to add something to balance out the loss of taste from fat. Yep, that taste/color/smell...cancer most likely. Bon apetit, friends! Salt is another big one too. Piled onto "healthy" foods to make them taste better as it sends your blood rushing through its vessels at mach speeds and you get frustrated that you're not losing any weight because you're retaining enough water to fill your kid's pool. That's not even the half of it. Just stay tuned and we'll learn together, shall we?
Ok. Here is my big reveal for the day before I go because I have work to do. You want to lose weight? Cool. Wanting a small waistline isn't going to help you change your life or your waistline though, not for good anyway. You know how to do the simple math: burn more calories than you consume. So why haven't you lost all the weight that's extra? You're addicted to poisoning yourself at every meal, probably. I'm not saying never have a five layer burrito or a lean cuisine again; I'm simply saying that shouldn't be the basis for your diet, but neither should starving yourself or only having one or two meals a day. You're killing your metabolism that way and your body is nutrient deprived. No fun!
This has been a journey for me and it will never end. This is a nutshell account of some of the things I would love for more people to care about. Next time, it's getting personal (to me, don't be scared)!
I have lost over 30lbs from my starting weight of around 200lbs and my fiance is nearing a 40lb loss since we started caring. It all began a couple of years ago with reading nutrition facts, which is a place I definitely recommend starting for any of you who do not do that. We pushed further than that with diet and exercise though, and now reading ingredient lists is our main priority in the grocery store. I am more active, fit, and healthy than I've ever been in my life. I have more energy, better sleep, better skin, hair and nails, better relationships, less pain, less illness, better moods, and better balance all around. Balance is a hard thing to acheive and something that I believe we will always have to strive for; I am thrilled to finally feel like I'm doing a decent job of it. It's even hard with fitness; you don't want to be too crazy or too lazy. It's important to find what's right for you and your family.
Best to enjoy a cozy spot where I'm comfortable. And run.
Next up: Motivation and Action!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Restlessness Reigns
I have no idea what my problem is this week, but I constantly have this feeling of "I should be doing something (else...I add because I've been quite busy doing all kinds of things)."
What? I don't know, but it feels pressing.
My Erin and I have discussed the feeling before. She described it well: "It's like you want to break into a run and just run completely out of your skin."
Yes. It is. WTF? (And yeah, I realized I quoted you and those probably weren't your exact words, but it sounds good, so don't sue me)
I have an intense desire to organize my home and my life. It's hard to try to focus on the tasks at hand and the dreams of the future when I'm also trying ridiculously hard to savor each moment I have with my son before he changes (which happens almost daily). I feel I am actually doing quite well at acheiving some semblence of balance; is it not enough? Will it ever be?
Nicholas has a completely different outlook which I admire. He goes to work and comes home and enjoys his time, always doing the best he can, always doing a decent job of feeling like a useful part of society and like he maintains a happy life.
I would love that. But I just feel like I want more. Not money. I can only describe it as personal satisfaction, really. Personal satisfaction comes from...where? This question has a different answer for every person, hence it being "personal." Duh. So, I'm finally getting some (though I'm working on more) family time. That was my number one goal and it remains so.
But behind my conscious mind, something is lurking and bugging the ever living shit out of me. It is a ravenous need for some personal satisfaction that is growing stronger and I can't ignore it.
When I started this blog I called it "A Little Unfocused" because of all of my interests and desires. I knew it wasn't going to be a blog about weight loss or video games or parenting, but a mash-up of my ramblings of a psycho-analytical nature, no doubt, which is based on the way I used to journal. The intention wasn't gaining and maintaining a readership (yet), but to simply let it out. Writing, as I've stated before, has always been my therapy. It's how I deal with my emotions and how I figure out the next step. This bit has made me feel a little better, though not completely, for there is no conclusion. How do I figure out what to do with this intense, burning need? What is this need? How do I figure that out???
Don't get me wrong, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I feel great for the most part (the exception being this crazy feeling).
Who am I cheating when I play around with all of this and act like I'm unaware of the real problem? I think I know the need and where it's coming from and how to fix it. I'm almost sure of that. I guess it's the direction beyond that. Maybe fear? I think so...fear that following another dream simultaneously will take away from the number 1 (family <3).
Here is what I need to do, one word, plain and simple:
Create
So I guess it's time to figure out more about this balancing act. What can I do for this insatiable desire inside of me that will enrich my family and not take away from it?
What? I don't know, but it feels pressing.
My Erin and I have discussed the feeling before. She described it well: "It's like you want to break into a run and just run completely out of your skin."
Yes. It is. WTF? (And yeah, I realized I quoted you and those probably weren't your exact words, but it sounds good, so don't sue me)
I have an intense desire to organize my home and my life. It's hard to try to focus on the tasks at hand and the dreams of the future when I'm also trying ridiculously hard to savor each moment I have with my son before he changes (which happens almost daily). I feel I am actually doing quite well at acheiving some semblence of balance; is it not enough? Will it ever be?
Nicholas has a completely different outlook which I admire. He goes to work and comes home and enjoys his time, always doing the best he can, always doing a decent job of feeling like a useful part of society and like he maintains a happy life.
I would love that. But I just feel like I want more. Not money. I can only describe it as personal satisfaction, really. Personal satisfaction comes from...where? This question has a different answer for every person, hence it being "personal." Duh. So, I'm finally getting some (though I'm working on more) family time. That was my number one goal and it remains so.
But behind my conscious mind, something is lurking and bugging the ever living shit out of me. It is a ravenous need for some personal satisfaction that is growing stronger and I can't ignore it.
When I started this blog I called it "A Little Unfocused" because of all of my interests and desires. I knew it wasn't going to be a blog about weight loss or video games or parenting, but a mash-up of my ramblings of a psycho-analytical nature, no doubt, which is based on the way I used to journal. The intention wasn't gaining and maintaining a readership (yet), but to simply let it out. Writing, as I've stated before, has always been my therapy. It's how I deal with my emotions and how I figure out the next step. This bit has made me feel a little better, though not completely, for there is no conclusion. How do I figure out what to do with this intense, burning need? What is this need? How do I figure that out???
Don't get me wrong, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I feel great for the most part (the exception being this crazy feeling).
Who am I cheating when I play around with all of this and act like I'm unaware of the real problem? I think I know the need and where it's coming from and how to fix it. I'm almost sure of that. I guess it's the direction beyond that. Maybe fear? I think so...fear that following another dream simultaneously will take away from the number 1 (family <3).
Here is what I need to do, one word, plain and simple:
Create
So I guess it's time to figure out more about this balancing act. What can I do for this insatiable desire inside of me that will enrich my family and not take away from it?
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Wedding Fever Confusion
Most women dream of their wedding day from the time they are little girls. I am no exception.
I used to lie in bed at night and stick one leg straight in the air, my blankie instantly transformed my foot into the head of the bouncy bride who truly resembled more of a muppet as she shook her bunny-printed "veil" around to the traditional wedding march my actual head hummed lowly. However, my idea of my wedding day has changed so much over the years it's a little unnerving now that the best man I've ever known has asked my son and me to be his family forever and handed me the ring we picked out over a year ago.
No matter what society throws at me, I have a firm belief of what our marriage should be: faithful, loving, considerate, hard-working, understanding, honorable, communicative, forgiving, open, honest, protective, supportive.
However, as society flings its poo at my head, I'm having a hard time figuring out what our wedding should be. I can't even figure out what I want to wear on said head the day I say my vows to the man I love. Veil? Tiara? Flowers? Halo? Hair up? Down? Braided? Curled? Each question stems into another set of questions.
This is why women hire planners, maybe. Or maybe it's why we make the mistake of talking about it to other people.
I say "mistake" because everyone has an opinion over what would be the absolute best for you!
Usually everyone except, yeah, you guessed it, your groom. Nick, for example, doesn't give a damn what I do with my hair as long as I don't shave it off.
It amazes me the level of planning that some people put into what pre-engaged Stephanie called "just a party to celebrate your love with all of the people in your life." While this is true, I've recently realized that there is a level of awesomeness that I do want in this event that clearly marks the beginning of our lifelong marriage.
And there will be a bunch of pictures to remind me of it for the rest of that life, so there's that.
My idea of awesomeness isn't what most brides think of when they picture their wedding day. I want to capture us and our lives together because we have already begun that. We have been living together for almost three years now. Our home is a collage of things that represent us and our various tastes and journeys and our life together. I feel our wedding should be no different. I don't really care what everyone else thinks a wedding or my wedding should be. I also don't care if my family thinks having a wedding is a waste of money that I could spend on our house. Although I have considered doing that a few times because it's just plain sensible, Nick would never allow it because he knows how much I want this celebration.
I am (buying into the hype) a DIY (do-it-yourself) bride. We can't afford a wedding any other way, nor do I want to. We have a home to buy and that's going to cost some serious cash. And we're going to have to learn new things and work together as homeowners, and that is what is about to happen for our wedding day preparations too. And boy, if that isn't my true dream these days, just working with him on all the things we need to get done.
It's doing those things together that makes it so sweet. I love the way we prepare for every party we have. Or just the way we clean together on Saturdays. Or the way we work out together. It feels so unified and strong. It gives me purpose and satisfaction.
He asked me this evening after I explained why his help was so important to me if we spend so much time planning the wedding and doing things for it, what would we do when it was over?
I told him we would work on our house. Plan for it. Always have something to look forward to, even if it's just the weekend, the evening, the next hug, the list goes on forever of the things I appreciate about my family.
But this wedding, our wedding, is important to me. Although some important people won't be able to make it, I can't imagine a better way to become Nick's wife than in the presence of the people who love and support us most. The people who introduced us, encouraged us, and even knew us before we knew one another.
Don't tell me I can have that many people look on us with so much love and positivity and that it even matters what kind of clothes we wear or where we are or what kind of favors we have. So the budget calls for some creative and thrifty thinking in addition to the tons of nerdy thinking that mixes in naturally and we approve because we know what's important.
Mother nature and we will make the setting pretty. We will exchange vows. We will be with our loved ones in feasting and dancing and singing and playing and laughing. Then we'll do it some more.
Rinse. Repeat. Forever.
P.S. First step, we're working on the invitations :)
I used to lie in bed at night and stick one leg straight in the air, my blankie instantly transformed my foot into the head of the bouncy bride who truly resembled more of a muppet as she shook her bunny-printed "veil" around to the traditional wedding march my actual head hummed lowly. However, my idea of my wedding day has changed so much over the years it's a little unnerving now that the best man I've ever known has asked my son and me to be his family forever and handed me the ring we picked out over a year ago.
No matter what society throws at me, I have a firm belief of what our marriage should be: faithful, loving, considerate, hard-working, understanding, honorable, communicative, forgiving, open, honest, protective, supportive.
However, as society flings its poo at my head, I'm having a hard time figuring out what our wedding should be. I can't even figure out what I want to wear on said head the day I say my vows to the man I love. Veil? Tiara? Flowers? Halo? Hair up? Down? Braided? Curled? Each question stems into another set of questions.
This is why women hire planners, maybe. Or maybe it's why we make the mistake of talking about it to other people.
I say "mistake" because everyone has an opinion over what would be the absolute best for you!
Usually everyone except, yeah, you guessed it, your groom. Nick, for example, doesn't give a damn what I do with my hair as long as I don't shave it off.
It amazes me the level of planning that some people put into what pre-engaged Stephanie called "just a party to celebrate your love with all of the people in your life." While this is true, I've recently realized that there is a level of awesomeness that I do want in this event that clearly marks the beginning of our lifelong marriage.
And there will be a bunch of pictures to remind me of it for the rest of that life, so there's that.
My idea of awesomeness isn't what most brides think of when they picture their wedding day. I want to capture us and our lives together because we have already begun that. We have been living together for almost three years now. Our home is a collage of things that represent us and our various tastes and journeys and our life together. I feel our wedding should be no different. I don't really care what everyone else thinks a wedding or my wedding should be. I also don't care if my family thinks having a wedding is a waste of money that I could spend on our house. Although I have considered doing that a few times because it's just plain sensible, Nick would never allow it because he knows how much I want this celebration.
I am (buying into the hype) a DIY (do-it-yourself) bride. We can't afford a wedding any other way, nor do I want to. We have a home to buy and that's going to cost some serious cash. And we're going to have to learn new things and work together as homeowners, and that is what is about to happen for our wedding day preparations too. And boy, if that isn't my true dream these days, just working with him on all the things we need to get done.
It's doing those things together that makes it so sweet. I love the way we prepare for every party we have. Or just the way we clean together on Saturdays. Or the way we work out together. It feels so unified and strong. It gives me purpose and satisfaction.
He asked me this evening after I explained why his help was so important to me if we spend so much time planning the wedding and doing things for it, what would we do when it was over?
I told him we would work on our house. Plan for it. Always have something to look forward to, even if it's just the weekend, the evening, the next hug, the list goes on forever of the things I appreciate about my family.
But this wedding, our wedding, is important to me. Although some important people won't be able to make it, I can't imagine a better way to become Nick's wife than in the presence of the people who love and support us most. The people who introduced us, encouraged us, and even knew us before we knew one another.
Don't tell me I can have that many people look on us with so much love and positivity and that it even matters what kind of clothes we wear or where we are or what kind of favors we have. So the budget calls for some creative and thrifty thinking in addition to the tons of nerdy thinking that mixes in naturally and we approve because we know what's important.
Mother nature and we will make the setting pretty. We will exchange vows. We will be with our loved ones in feasting and dancing and singing and playing and laughing. Then we'll do it some more.
Rinse. Repeat. Forever.
P.S. First step, we're working on the invitations :)
Friday, November 23, 2012
Cool Mom
My son, Fisher, turned 6 years old this week! I don't know where time has gone, but I am so proud of how he is growing and maturing into this little independent creature.
When he was still considered a toddler, I remember telling my Aunt Sandy about wanting to be the cool mom who got silly/dirty/wet and who got down and played and ran around the playground and didn't care about what anyone else thought.
She commented that if I wanted to be known as "cool," then I obviously cared what others thought about me. Maybe I was unclear.
I wanted to be cool to Fisher.
He's truly all that matters. In fact, I think that my idea of being cool to him is often the opposite of being cool to other parents or the general population. My idea being going to his school Halloween party with a Nintendo hat and hoodie and PJ one-up pants and wearing his Mario mustache when he asks me to. Or jumping rope in front of other humans...at all. Or making ridiculous faces for photos. Or letting him make a mess of the kitchen just to "help" as he learns how to bake. Or letting him hit me with water balloons.
I asked Fisher last night if he thought I was cool. He said "yeah." I asked him why.
"Because you help me out and you do some chores with me."
He's way cooler than me.
When he was still considered a toddler, I remember telling my Aunt Sandy about wanting to be the cool mom who got silly/dirty/wet and who got down and played and ran around the playground and didn't care about what anyone else thought.
She commented that if I wanted to be known as "cool," then I obviously cared what others thought about me. Maybe I was unclear.
I wanted to be cool to Fisher.
He's truly all that matters. In fact, I think that my idea of being cool to him is often the opposite of being cool to other parents or the general population. My idea being going to his school Halloween party with a Nintendo hat and hoodie and PJ one-up pants and wearing his Mario mustache when he asks me to. Or jumping rope in front of other humans...at all. Or making ridiculous faces for photos. Or letting him make a mess of the kitchen just to "help" as he learns how to bake. Or letting him hit me with water balloons.
I asked Fisher last night if he thought I was cool. He said "yeah." I asked him why.
"Because you help me out and you do some chores with me."
He's way cooler than me.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Musings
I've had one hell of a year really.
I feel so...adult.
I graduated college.
I got a full time weekday job.
I turned 30.
I got a lawyer.
My son went to kindergarten.
I got engaged.
Also, I am awesome.
And that's why I don't have to tell you I'm awesome. You can plainly see that.
(Stop it! You're building yourself up again!)
In other news, I saw a grown-ass man on a skateboard downtown yesterday.
Mm.
I felt young then.
I feel so...adult.
I graduated college.
I got a full time weekday job.
I turned 30.
I got a lawyer.
My son went to kindergarten.
I got engaged.
Also, I am awesome.
And that's why I don't have to tell you I'm awesome. You can plainly see that.
(Stop it! You're building yourself up again!)
In other news, I saw a grown-ass man on a skateboard downtown yesterday.
Mm.
I felt young then.
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