Living against your own will. In cognitive dissonance. Denying your authentic self.
Denying truth and others: your living brothers. Hating...
waiting for our own destruction
demise
criticize
and separate
no energy to create
just lies
and spies
spread thighs
and traffic jams
log flumes jammed
like rivers damned
with poison flowing
and we keep going
infinite retreat
to corporate defeat
just the same
all to blame
the awake with sense
can't offset/balance
hate's so heavy
with nothing--
a distraction,
despair,
divide--
SQUIRREL!!!
What were we talking about?
I don't want to remember.
But I could use another (2) glass(es) of wine, or a bag of chips with a side of eating disorder (make all your assumptions here instead of asking questions), or a scratch-off (not my bag), or another toke (and I'm a joker), or make me feel wanted with your unwanted attention (whore), or work my ass off (achieve), or take care of everyone but myself (never enough), or a shopping spree (crushing debt), or control everything (yes, OCD), or hurt myself (PTSD), or do that line (old addictions), or take that pill (when I HAVE to), or shoot that drug (they're all dying), or get lost in that fantasy (what were you saying?), or go crazy (I feel hands on me/everyone thinks I'm LYING)...or what...
Disgusting, right?
Oh.
How do YOU cope with the pain you deny?
Fear. That was the thing I keep wanting to run from.
Judgement.
Punishment.
Rejection.
Of ourselves and others.
It's become a way of life. For generations.That have silenced my mind and my kind. Ashamed and isolated, cycles repeat and devastate the human race. This is the real threat to the family, and humankind, and the earth.
Put down your assumptions and divides and get to know the human inside someone before you judge them.
Get to know the human inside of yourself.
Many days I struggle so hard fighting all the fear and hate of the world that I feel like a complete monster or a failure.
There are more mirrors in my new place. I see myself a little more often. I see; I am no monster. I hear the things people say I do; I am no failure.
Neither are you.
Unless you choose to be.
Choose wisely, mindfully, each day.
Your words and actions matter.
Do not create suffering for yourself and others. If this happens, seek help. I promise it is there. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Someone cares about all of you. Even you complete assholes.
I know, because I have loved many assholes. And I've been a loved asshole, myself.
I have been given gifts from those I work and interact with. They give me these words: inspire, empath, shaman, lightworker, healer. I've been told I can help abusers as much as I can help the abused.
Sometimes (all the fucking time), I struggle with my responsibility.
My next tattoo is the word kuleana, Hawaiian for responsibility, but it comes with a connotation that it's a privilege to serve for one's purpose.
This is how I feel about my work although it scares the be-Jesus out of me. I am not alone in this. We all must work through fear and darkness to find our truth.
Get at your truth. Love. Compassion.
Happy Nahko-versary to me!
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