I've been blogging and worrying lately about jobs and where my life will go once school is over. And rightfully so; this is my final semester. What do I want to do when I grow up?
I just wanted to take a moment to tell everyone something that is on my mind.
I miss staying at home with my son.
He's starting Pre-K this week and I'm so happy for him. He loves going to daycare (we call it "school") and he has benefited greatly from his interactions with other kids and teachers without my interference.
I'm happy to be making a little money and going to school. Well, I've really been going to school most of his life, although in the beginning I was a stay-at-home mom only. I think it's the most under-rated job in the world. Not to mention the benefits are few and far between. But when they come, they are better than money or not having a ton of horrendous medical bills. Shaping a life is pretty cool.
When we were at home together more often, we had all the time in the world. There was so much to do and so much time to do it in. We had alone time, family time, friend time and he also had time to go stay with family. It's become difficult and hard to bear since I left his father's house since we split his time. Add working and school to that and I'm lucky he remembers my name is "mom" half the time.
I miss him so much. Now that he has to be in school everyday and I'm either working or in school everyday, we have three or four evenings a week. Hopefully one of those will be Sunday; I'm supposed to be off on Sundays and that's the day I've reserved for him. I know it's only going to get harder when he begins sports and full days of school with homework and the like.
I am scared, but I know he will do well, therefore, so must I. I want to take care of him and give him a happy mom. So I do what I can for myself and keep my head up.
His grandmother tells me that it's not the quantity of time, but the quality. I'll remember that.
To all you working moms--you're amazing and doing some of the hardest things known to woman.
To all you stay-at-home moms--you're amazing and doing some of the hardest things known to woman.
We really aren't that different. I believe I'm lucky to get to do something else that I love so that when Fisher is too busy for me I'll not freak out. But I think the luckiest ones get to be with their babies everyday until their kid mashes them in the face for trying to kiss him in front of his friends.
Good luck and love to us all <3
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Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Goodbye summer :(
Where did time go? I haven't posted in awhile because I've been very busy. And lazy. But don't give up on me just yet. I have plenty more to share in due time. And as always, I extend my promise that better things are coming...
But Hello Final Semester of my Undergrad! Yes, that deserved capital letters. If you think otherwise then promptly blow a donkey. I've been waiting for this for ten years!
School starts Monday. I should soon have some more interesting things to post since a couple of people will be prodding me along with sticks and the promises of grades that shall see me finishing with honors.
My son is about to begin Pre-K. So, as I finish a chapter in my life, he begins one. It feels good to be doing it together. He has been my motivation to get my degree after all. I hope I can motivate him to find his passions, continue his education as far as he can, and love learning as much as I do.
On a completely different note...
There is something I want to mention. I'm sure this can be debated, and I am sure this won't be the last time I bring it up.
I passed a billboard today that read: "1 in 10 children are diagnosed with autism." OK. It reminded me of when my family thought my son may be autistic because he wasn't speaking much yet and he was two years old. Keep in mind that if my son ever is diagnosed with anything whatsoever I will be loving and supportive while trying to learn everything I can about how I can help him.
However, I was sure that he wasn't autistic. My son wasn't talking (and still has trouble with articulation) because he sucks his thumb. Honestly that's a subject I get a little angry about...the thumb sucking. I need to save this for a later post because it's huge to me. In short, I feel like I was conned into not giving my child a pacifier and his subsequent thumb-sucking has had a major effect on our lives. That sounds dramatic, but I promise to explain later. This is important for prospective parents and grandparents. And friends. And babies. So, listen up, babies, for when I tell that story later. For now, back to this...*focus*
I listened to my family's concerns and I researched autism spectrum disorder. I was positive that Fisher didn't fit any of the descriptions I could find. Not yet, anyway. Maybe he will someday, I don't know. All I know is that I was getting frustrated because they must have seen a special on autism on Oprah or 20/20 and they were convinced that was his problem. And I don't blame them for that. I tend to obsess after I view a well-done documentary. Media is influential.
However, it brings up my problem with the numbers and the labeling. Humans have an obsession with labeling EVERYTHING! I am not a fan. The distinction between one thing and another is inevitable. A person defines oneself by what he/she is not as often as by what he/she is. I still don't have to like it.
Well, I don't mind that it happens in general or as a means to communicate with others. It's just the level we have taken it to...it goes too far. Does any kid in school not have a disorder or something that makes them special? It can be medical, mental, emotional, biological, physical, attentional, behavioral, societal...I don't really give a shit. Why can't they just be kids who are learning important lessons including how not to be assholes?
I'm not saying that any disorders don't exist or anything. I'm just saying that we've lived for so long without many of these problems and yet, here they are to fuck with us. And often, we're causing our own problems, labeling them, making money from them, drugging the people. What else has labels? Pill bottles. And guess what, they can define a person. I have seen it over and over.
Some people need medication. Even some kids. I'm sure that too many of both are actually medicated. And over-medicated.
I don't want my son to think of his friends like this one has this disorder and this one has this. Just like I don't want him to define people by their skin color or the amount of money they have. Their attitudes and actions should define them and first come to mind when he wants to describe them. I'm not saying those things are taboo, because I think it's important to discuss them and how they effect their life experience so we can learn. And there's nothing wrong with sharing information about oneself, either. I'm not saying anyone should ever hide who they are or the struggles they have; on the contrary I believe those things are best shared with friends and family.
But when we see another human being who is different than the others, we continue to shave off the bits of sameness that tie us together. We are struggling to set everyone apart. A slippery slope. I really hate that expression, even now that I understand it.
When I was a kid, autistic kids were just kids. I knew they were different just like I knew I was different.
They still haven't found a label for me.
I intend to make my own.
But Hello Final Semester of my Undergrad! Yes, that deserved capital letters. If you think otherwise then promptly blow a donkey. I've been waiting for this for ten years!
School starts Monday. I should soon have some more interesting things to post since a couple of people will be prodding me along with sticks and the promises of grades that shall see me finishing with honors.
My son is about to begin Pre-K. So, as I finish a chapter in my life, he begins one. It feels good to be doing it together. He has been my motivation to get my degree after all. I hope I can motivate him to find his passions, continue his education as far as he can, and love learning as much as I do.
On a completely different note...
There is something I want to mention. I'm sure this can be debated, and I am sure this won't be the last time I bring it up.
I passed a billboard today that read: "1 in 10 children are diagnosed with autism." OK. It reminded me of when my family thought my son may be autistic because he wasn't speaking much yet and he was two years old. Keep in mind that if my son ever is diagnosed with anything whatsoever I will be loving and supportive while trying to learn everything I can about how I can help him.
However, I was sure that he wasn't autistic. My son wasn't talking (and still has trouble with articulation) because he sucks his thumb. Honestly that's a subject I get a little angry about...the thumb sucking. I need to save this for a later post because it's huge to me. In short, I feel like I was conned into not giving my child a pacifier and his subsequent thumb-sucking has had a major effect on our lives. That sounds dramatic, but I promise to explain later. This is important for prospective parents and grandparents. And friends. And babies. So, listen up, babies, for when I tell that story later. For now, back to this...*focus*
I listened to my family's concerns and I researched autism spectrum disorder. I was positive that Fisher didn't fit any of the descriptions I could find. Not yet, anyway. Maybe he will someday, I don't know. All I know is that I was getting frustrated because they must have seen a special on autism on Oprah or 20/20 and they were convinced that was his problem. And I don't blame them for that. I tend to obsess after I view a well-done documentary. Media is influential.
However, it brings up my problem with the numbers and the labeling. Humans have an obsession with labeling EVERYTHING! I am not a fan. The distinction between one thing and another is inevitable. A person defines oneself by what he/she is not as often as by what he/she is. I still don't have to like it.
Well, I don't mind that it happens in general or as a means to communicate with others. It's just the level we have taken it to...it goes too far. Does any kid in school not have a disorder or something that makes them special? It can be medical, mental, emotional, biological, physical, attentional, behavioral, societal...I don't really give a shit. Why can't they just be kids who are learning important lessons including how not to be assholes?
I'm not saying that any disorders don't exist or anything. I'm just saying that we've lived for so long without many of these problems and yet, here they are to fuck with us. And often, we're causing our own problems, labeling them, making money from them, drugging the people. What else has labels? Pill bottles. And guess what, they can define a person. I have seen it over and over.
Some people need medication. Even some kids. I'm sure that too many of both are actually medicated. And over-medicated.
I don't want my son to think of his friends like this one has this disorder and this one has this. Just like I don't want him to define people by their skin color or the amount of money they have. Their attitudes and actions should define them and first come to mind when he wants to describe them. I'm not saying those things are taboo, because I think it's important to discuss them and how they effect their life experience so we can learn. And there's nothing wrong with sharing information about oneself, either. I'm not saying anyone should ever hide who they are or the struggles they have; on the contrary I believe those things are best shared with friends and family.
But when we see another human being who is different than the others, we continue to shave off the bits of sameness that tie us together. We are struggling to set everyone apart. A slippery slope. I really hate that expression, even now that I understand it.
When I was a kid, autistic kids were just kids. I knew they were different just like I knew I was different.
They still haven't found a label for me.
I intend to make my own.
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