Wedding Fever Confusion

Most women dream of their wedding day from the time they are little girls.  I am no exception.

I used to lie in bed at night and stick one leg straight in the air, my blankie instantly transformed my foot into the head of the bouncy bride who truly resembled more of a muppet as she shook her bunny-printed "veil" around to the traditional wedding march my actual head hummed lowly.  However, my idea of my wedding day has changed so much over the years it's a little unnerving now that the best man I've ever known has asked my son and me to be his family forever and handed me the ring we picked out over a year ago.

No matter what society throws at me, I have a firm belief of what our marriage should be:  faithful, loving, considerate, hard-working, understanding, honorable, communicative, forgiving, open, honest, protective, supportive.

However, as society flings its poo at my head, I'm having a hard time figuring out what our wedding should be. I can't even figure out what I want to wear on said head the day I say my vows to the man I love.  Veil? Tiara? Flowers? Halo? Hair up? Down? Braided? Curled? Each question stems into another set of questions.

This is why women hire planners, maybe.  Or maybe it's why we make the mistake of talking about it to other people.

I say "mistake" because everyone has an opinion over what would be the absolute best for you!

Usually everyone except, yeah, you guessed it, your groom. Nick, for example, doesn't give a damn what I do with my hair as long as I don't shave it off.

It amazes me the level of planning that some people put into what pre-engaged Stephanie called "just a party to celebrate your love with all of the people in your life."  While this is true, I've recently realized that there is a level of awesomeness that I do want in this event that clearly marks the beginning of our lifelong marriage.

And there will be a bunch of pictures to remind me of it for the rest of that life, so there's that.

My idea of awesomeness isn't what most brides think of when they picture their wedding day. I want to capture us and our lives together because we have already begun that.  We have been living together for almost three years now. Our home is a collage of things that represent us and our various tastes and journeys and our life together. I feel our wedding should be no different. I don't really care what everyone else thinks a wedding or my wedding should be. I also don't care if my family thinks having a wedding is a waste of money that I could spend on our house.  Although I have considered doing that a few times because it's just plain sensible, Nick would never allow it because he knows how much I want this celebration.

I am (buying into the hype) a DIY (do-it-yourself) bride. We can't afford a wedding any other way, nor do I want to. We have a home to buy and that's going to cost some serious cash. And we're going to have to learn new things and work together as homeowners, and that is what is about to happen for our wedding day preparations too. And boy, if that isn't my true dream these days, just working with him on all the things we need to get done.

It's doing those things together that makes it so sweet. I love the way we prepare for every party we have. Or just the way we clean together on Saturdays. Or the way we work out together. It feels so unified and strong. It gives me purpose and satisfaction.

He asked me this evening after I explained why his help was so important to me if we spend so much time planning the wedding and doing things for it, what would we do when it was over?

I told him we would work on our house. Plan for it. Always have something to look forward to, even if it's just the weekend, the evening, the next hug, the list goes on forever of the things I appreciate about my family.

But this wedding, our wedding, is important to me. Although some important people won't be able to make it, I can't imagine a better way to become Nick's wife than in the presence of the people who love and support us most. The people who introduced us, encouraged us, and even knew us before we knew one another.

Don't tell me I can have that many people look on us with so much love and positivity and that it even matters what kind of clothes we wear or where we are or what kind of favors we have. So the budget calls for some creative and thrifty thinking in addition to the tons of nerdy thinking that mixes in naturally and we approve because we know what's important.

Mother nature and we will make the setting pretty. We will exchange vows. We will be with our loved ones in feasting and dancing and singing and playing and laughing. Then we'll do it some more.

Rinse. Repeat. Forever.

P.S. First step, we're working on the invitations :)

Cool Mom

My son, Fisher, turned 6 years old this week!  I don't know where time has gone, but I am so proud of how he is growing and maturing into this little independent creature. 

When he was still considered a toddler, I remember telling my Aunt Sandy about wanting to be the cool mom who got silly/dirty/wet and who got down and played and ran around the playground and didn't care about what anyone else thought.

She commented that if I wanted to be known as "cool," then I obviously cared what others thought about me. Maybe I was unclear. 

I wanted to be cool to Fisher.

He's truly all that matters. In fact, I think that my idea of being cool to him is often the opposite of being cool to other parents or the general population. My idea being going to his school Halloween party with a Nintendo hat and hoodie and PJ one-up pants and wearing his Mario mustache when he asks me to. Or jumping rope in front of other humans...at all. Or making ridiculous faces for photos. Or letting him make a mess of the kitchen just to "help" as he learns how to bake. Or letting him hit me with water balloons.

I asked Fisher last night if he thought I was cool. He said "yeah."  I asked him why.

"Because you help me out and you do some chores with me."

He's way cooler than me.

Musings

I've had one hell of a year really.

 I feel so...adult.

I graduated college.
I got a full time weekday job.
I turned 30.
I got a lawyer.
My son went to kindergarten.
I got engaged.

Also, I am awesome.

And that's why I don't have to tell you I'm awesome. You can plainly see that.
(Stop it! You're building yourself up again!)

In other news, I saw a grown-ass man on a skateboard downtown yesterday.

Mm.

I felt young then.

Fail

Well hello, friends. Long time no see.

So I want to start by saying I failed. Broken promises have been a direct offshoot of this very blog. Why?

Blame it on the absolutely wonderful year that I have had with my family, which is my supreme goal and bitching about not having time with my family was surely the basis for 50% of my blogging to begin with. Or blame it on me for promising too much too quickly.  I am only a work in progress.

Blame it on the rain. No, really, blame it on my heart. Or just blame me. Yes, I know I'm talking to myself because only one other person ever inquires as to what exactly I'm doing here.  I still am not sure of the answer to that question, but, unfortunately, writing is not it.

It begs the age old adage, "If a writer falls in the woods, will her readers be there to help her up?"

No.

No, they won't, because she doesn't have any readers because they had nothing to read because she didn't write so she's not even a writer at all.

Maybe she was a little embarrassed about all of her broken promises of writing more, bitching less, walking for cures, helping the less fortunate.  Well, I actually have done that last one a little bit but I don't think giving a friend a ride or buying the beer for the evening compares with feeding the hungry.  I did bake though. Probably not more than usual. I don't even know what else I promised, that's what a fail this is.

In short, don't expect too much and I'll quit telling you to expect me to be awesome.

I think I can accomplish that much.